Before I begin this post, I may as well acknowledge that I love summer and I would 100% prefer sweltering heat over nipple-threatening cold any day of the year… however, when I am dressed in a 100% polyester work uniform (also known as a personal sauna depending on how you look at sweat steaming in your t-shirt shirt) in a 34 degree kitchen, and there is sweat pooling underneath my tits I have ill-respect towards summer.
Or maybe it just makes my patience run thin when I have a whole fucking section of nice, clean tables except for one which I hadn’t had time to bus between customers and this stupid couple sits down AT THAT ONE TABLE and asks “Is anyone sitting here?” when it blatantly obvious that nobody is sitting there and they are dumbasses and I have about 10 beer and some ketchup balancing on a tray when I try to wipe their shitty spot.
Don’t be fooled by my friendly voice, smile, and professional actions, I would punch you in the throat if I wouldn’t lose my job.
Either way, now that I am no longer sweating buckets and I am home in my bathing suit enjoying a cold smirnoff, I can declare that I am happily happy.
I would also like to end with a Hey! Ocean song, because lately I have been having a lot of feelings about their songs, as in I have been reducing myself to a puddle of emotional wiggling 19-year-old for every second of my spare time while I play their album on repeat.
Often whenever I discover something that I REALLY enjoy, such as Sam Gamgee, cute Latino men, perfect harmonies, or babies, I literally do not know what to do with my hands or my face or my emotions, so I end up with a bubbling urge that I can’t deal with and I scream “ohhhhhhhhhhhh” for an extended period of time while touching my face and jumping.
Ladies and gentlemen, “If I Were a Ship” by Hey! Ocean, from their Album “IS”